Where the #$%$ have you been?

Oh no wait, that’s me. Where have I been? Well, I haven’t been on the computer, nor have I been to town much.

At home, every day we have baby cows coming in to the world, and I have spent most all of my time facilitating that.

It is calving season, and while the rest of the United States is in a tizzy about climate change and the warmest, dryest winter on record, we are loudly giving thanks that little baby cows aren’t getting their ears and tails frozen off, like they did last year.

Another highlight of this years calving season is this little guy.

We are bottle feeding him,

which makes him think I am his mother.

It is a bittersweet task. Because as cute as he is, and as much fun I have watching him make up his own games and chase his shadow around the corral, I wish that he was out in the pasture with a bovine mother, where he would have other friends to play with, like these guys.

And although I will do my best, if I don’t get back on here any time soon you will know that it is because I am immersed in soft black cuteness mixed with a little blood, gross gook and calf poop.

What are you doing with your February?

Stay tuned for line-up and more info soon on www.redantspantsmusicfestival.com

Cheers!

Here’s how to get them in the mood…

Fly into Bozeman on Thursday, February 9th. If you live in Bozeman it is really important to complete this step.

On Friday, spend the day cross-country skiing at Bohart Ranch. It is inexpensive and breathtakingly beautiful. The excercise and the fresh air will raise your Love’s endorphine levels to perfect Valentines Day counts.

Drive on, over the mountains to White Sulphur Springs, and check into the All Seasons. It is the first hotel you come to as you arrive in White Sulphur.

You’ll see this…

on the way here.

Spend the evening and the following morning soaking it the hotsprings. The hot water and chilly air, together with only wearing a bathing suit will relax your Love to Valentines Day levels of warm, mushy tenderness.

Then come and visit our store. Buying your high-endorphined, warm, mushy, tender Love a pair of Red Ants Pants, will Seal. The. Deal. Nudge nudge. Wink wink.

After that head back to Bozeman and party with Ten Foot Tall and 80 Proof who are playing at the Eagles Lodge in Bozeman. Allowing your Love to dance in your arms is just icing on the cake.

Sunday, fly home. Smiling.

The wood box needs to be replenished every three or four days.

Red Ants Pants are great for doing this is because you can brace yourself against the pile with your knees, as you load your arms.

You don’t get splinters, nor do the pants rip.

Hauling wood is that much more enjoyable. All because you are wearing Red Ants Pants.

It was very official.

Present at the meeting: (from left to right) Sarah Kmon, Leroy (who has come home!), Sarah Calhoun and Donna Babcock.

Also present, but not pictured, were Nellie – who was eating a bone, Magpie – who was hiding on one of the shelves, and Mattie – who was staring at Magpie.

We talked about you.

It is the reason that I am wearing my Red Ants Pants (not my sweats) as I type.

The gusseted crotch is that little detail that makes Red Ants Pants flexible, keeps your lower appendages full of blood and your lunch in your stomach.

So what is a gusseted crotch?

Red Ants Pants have a diamond-shaped patch of fabric in the, well, crotch.

It makes Red Ants Pants comfortable to wear whilst squatting, walking, climbing etc, as recently proven by some of our hard-core customers on our facebook page.

It also makes them easy to lay out on the table so that I can take photos of them.

It pretty much means that you can do anything in them. Except scuba diving. I wouldn’t recommend scuba diving in them.

In the frosted emptiness glistening beauty that is Montana in January, there is so much fun, if you just know where to look.

Here are some ideas for late-January, winter travel in Montana…

(Note: I have left out some mealtimes and lodging. That doesn’t mean that I think you shouldn’t eat. But that I know that as a current or future Red Ants Pants-wearer you are competent and capable of organizing your own breakfast or lunch and finding a place to stay.)

Fly into Bozeman on January 22nd. (If you already live in Montana, it would be wise to skip that part).

Drive down Hwy 191 to West Yellowstone.

On the 23rd, take a snowcoach tour of Yellowstone National Park. Take your cross country skis and have the coach drop you off so you can ski through the geysers and meet the coach at Old Faithful later in the day.

On the 24th, Visit the Wolf and Grizzly Discovery Center and then head North on Hwy 287 to Three Forks. Check in to the Sacajawea Hotel. Eat and relax.

On the 25th, continue north on Hwy 287 to Canyon Ferry Lake. Spend several hours iceskating on the smooth, glassy surface, then drive East from Townswend towards White Sulphur Springs.

Check in to the Tenderfoot Motel and Cabins. Eat dinner at the Stockman Bar on Main Street.

On the 26th, soak in the hotsprings then stop in at Red Ants Pants.

In the afternoon head north towards Showdown Ski Area and spend the afternoon shoop-shooping on the slopes of the Little Belt Mountains. Spend the night in Neihart (to the North).

Ski again in the morning (it is Showdown’s 75th Anniversary). Then drive south, past White Sulphur Springs, past Livingston, to Chico Hotsprings. Check in for the night. Soak your tired muscles and enjoy their delicious food.

On the 28th, soak again, before or after your scrummy breakfast in the Chico Hotsprings dining room. Then head back to Bozeman. Eat lunch at Starky’s. Then stroll around downtown Bozeman, buying birthday presents and expensive rugs you didn’t know you needed.

Eat dinner and stay your last night in Montana at the Gallatin River Lodge in Belgrade/Bozeman.

Fly out of Bozeman on Sunday 29th.

Maybe you have seen it on the Red Ants Pants website, or perhaps when looking for wall tents for hunting camp. But there are a lot items made out of a strange substance called “duck”. Certain hefty work pants for women are among the items.

“Duck” does not mean that Red Ants Pants are made out of poor little duck feathers. They are much more durable than that because Red Ants Pants are 100% cotton.

Duck refers to the weave of the fabric – how the yarn is made into a piece of material.

Does this make your eyes feel funny?

Let’s try another one.

These are pictures of Red Ants Pants chocolate duck. 

My mouth just filled up with saliva. It’s not Easter yet.

So now that you know what duck means when refering to material, maybe you will get that question in Trivial Pursuit.

Quack.

WARNING: If you look at this post too long, it will make your eyes spin and your right leg hurt.

Red Ants Pants are an awesome workpant for feeding cows because…
 

the gusseted crotch in the pants makes it really easy to climb in and out of the tractor.

Simple.

Bonus corney joke:
Geese and ducks fly in a V right? Do you know why one side of the V is longer than the other?

Because there’s more geese on that side.

Hah!

Montana has a reputation of being horribly cold, inhospitable and uninhabitable in Winter. Well that’s true.

But you don’t have to be an abononinmabible snowman to enjoy it. If spending four days in Montana in early January floats your boat, here’s what you can do.

Fly into Bozeman Airport on Thursday, Jan 5th. (If you already live in Montana you can skip that part). Drive down Hwy 191 to the 320 Guest Ranch. Check in. Eat dinner in their enormous dining room then freeze your tootsies off on a moonlit sleigh ride and singe your eyebrows around their gigantic bonfire.

Next morning, get some exercise. Go snowshoeing around the ranch or cross country skiing at Fawn Pass in Yellowstone National Park. Eat lunch at the Bugaboo cafe, just near the yellow light by the turn up to Big Sky on Hwy 191.  In the afternoon drive up to Belgrade and check into the Gallatin River Lodge.  Relax.  Settle.  Take a nap.  Eat dinner in their dining room (their food is fantastic) then get yourself gussied up and head to Bozeman.  Ten foot tall and 80 proof are playing at the Crystal Bar  on main street, and they are awesome. We know, because they played at the 2011 Red Ants Pants Music Festival. We were there.

Saturday the 7th head towards the  Bridger Mountains and shred some sick powder on the gnarly slopes of Bridger Bowl (dude).  In the evening, eat dinner at Blackbird. Then head back to the comfort of the Gallatin River Lodge. If you got a jacuzzi in your room, use it.

Sunday morning head back to Bozeman.  Tour the historic downtown.  Buy a strange oil painting of a horse.  Eat the best lunch in town at the Bozeman Coop, amongst cowboys and hippies. Once you are done, head back towards the ski hill but keep going on towards White Sulphur Springs.

If you need directions you can call us (406-547-3781) or tweet us (@redantspants) and we’ll help you out. When you get to White Sulphur Springs, check into the Hotsprings Spa and Motel. They have a new wing and a new pool. You can get into the new pool, heat up your tired skiing and snowshoeing muscles and get heavenly sleepy in the hot water under the chilly air.

Eat dinner at Dempsey’s.

Early Monday morning, soak in the hotsprings one last time, then stop at Red Ants Pants.

We don’t open until ten so you have plenty of time to check out of the Spa. Once we’ve talked your ear off, and Nellie…

…has showered you with kisses, you must head back to Bozeman to catch your flight home on Tuesday morning.

See?  It’s very simple.

P.S. we are not a tourist information or booking center. You have to do all that by yourself.  We just make pants.  Good ones.

P.P.S  The rules are that you have to come and visit us.  Those are the rules.